BEHIND MY SILENCE
To those who have wondered where I’ve been these past several months…
I haven’t disappeared. I’ve been surviving.
Life has a way of changing in an instant, and sometimes it asks more of us than we ever imagined we could give. The past few months have been the hardest season of my life—a season filled with unimaginable loss, overwhelming change, and the difficult work of simply making it through each day.
In the span of just three months, I lost my husband of 43 years, my partner, and the person I expected to grow older with. Losing someone you love so deeply changes everything. The world keeps moving, but your own world feels as though it has stopped. Grief doesn’t follow a schedule, and there is no instruction manual for learning how to live without someone who meant so much.
As if that heartbreak wasn’t enough, I also had to say goodbye to three of my beloved dogs, Lily, Remedy, and Winston and my sweet cat, Lucy. As you know they weren’t “just pets.” They were family. They were constant companions who loved without conditions, celebrated the good days, comforted the hard ones, and filled my home with joy, laughter, and unconditional love. Each goodbye left another piece of my heart aching.
finding my way forward
There are moments in life when one loss feels impossible. Experiencing so many, one after another, can leave you feeling as though you’re simply trying to keep your head above water. Some days, getting out of bed was an accomplishment. Other days, I found comfort in remembering the love that each of them brought into my life.
In the middle of all of this, I packed up my life and moved. Anyone who has moved knows it’s exhausting under the best of circumstances. Doing it while carrying so much grief was something I never imagined I’d have to do. Every box held memories. Every room held reminders. Every step forward felt incredibly heavy.
I chose to step away from social media, my blog & my YouTube channel because I needed the time to grieve without feeling pressure to explain myself or pretend that everything was okay. I needed space to cry, to heal, to rest, and to slowly begin putting the pieces of my life back together. Sometimes healing happens quietly, away from the noise, and that’s exactly where I needed to be.
If you reached out, sent a message, offered a prayer, or simply thought of me during this time, thank you. Even when I couldn’t always respond, your kindness meant more than you will ever know. It reminded me that even in life’s darkest seasons, we are never completely alone.
I’m still healing. I imagine I always will be in some ways. Grief isn’t something we “get over.” Instead, we learn to carry it while continuing to live, love, and hope again. My husband, my dogs, and my cat will always be a part of me. Their love shaped my life, and their memories will forever live in my heart.
I thank God everyday that I still have Cora, my heart dog. She is now officially and legally my ESA, Emotional Support Animal. Without her I simply would have no reason to keep on going. But …
finding yourself after grief
So today, I’m taking my first step back.
Not because life is back to normal—it never will be—but because I’m beginning to believe that joy and sorrow can exist together. That healing doesn’t mean forgetting. That moving forward doesn’t mean leaving our loved ones behind. It simply means honoring them by continuing to live the life they helped make so beautiful.
Thank you for your patience, your grace, and for walking beside me, even from afar. I’m grateful to be here again, and while I don’t know exactly what this next chapter will look like, I do know this:
Hope is slowly finding its way back into my heart.
Here’s to healing, one day at a time. ❤️
